Important Facts About Short Selling, The $VIX and Mole's Cat

FACT: Short selling is what causes the market to go down. If it were not for greedy bears selling short, stocks would march forever upward in a calm, orderly fashion and we would all be rich.

FACT: Government can stop bears from tanking the market by imposing limits on short selling, like the SEC did today.

PROOF: The SEC ban on financial shorts in 2008 saved the day as demonstrated in this chart:



FACT: Anyone who sells a stock short is an inherently evil domestic terrorist.

PROOF: This is Mole's cat:



FACT: The market is driven by news and events. Since the market hates short selling, it will react favorably to the SEC's new restrictions.

PROOF: The $VIX looks like it's poised to... it's, um, about to... um.. oh sh-